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| Vol.3.103 | |
The Not-So-Great Debateby Vince PoscenteAuthor of The Ant and the Elephant, Invinceable Principles and The Age of Speed If you live in the USA you’re awash in the Healthcare Debate. There are some pretty vocal debaters with finesse. Some others? Not so much. I’d say I’m in the second category. Here’s why. Greg and I prepped for our seventh grade debate. The question: Should population growth be controlled? Our assignment was to come up with an “against controlling population growth” argument. We were pitted against Joanne and Warren. A couple of brainiacs that could dance circles around my hormone infested brain.
Now give me the topic: “Should girls wear terry towel shorts in gym class?” and I definitely would have done some enthusiastic research. But a topic that had nothing to do with girls’ gym attire made for a feeble student debater.
Our research didn’t go well. Greg and I could only find information on overpopulation. We found very little arguments for a burgeoning population base. When debate day came those smug opponents at the other table had undoubtedly assembled their research. We were nervous. The room was packed with seventh grade students from all the classes. Six teachers stood watch at the back.
Greg and I floundered followed by Joanne and Warren hitting us hard with rapid-fire statistics. When the debate referee gave us 5 minutes to assemble our rebuttal I furiously dove into a stack of periodicals. Greg scanned the encyclopedia. In the last minute I enthusiastically pointed at a statistic. In forced whispers I said, “Let’s counter attack with this.” Greg looked at me with a blank stare and shook his head. “I dunno,” he said. “If you like it, you read it.”
“Time,” said the referee.
Gripping my notes with one hand and tucking my shirt with the other I cleared my throat.
“A growing population is something that is okay,” knowing I’d said the exact same thing four times in our opening statement. “Controlling birthrates is birth control. Birth control should not be forced on anyone. For example, condoms are bad. 82% of condom users don’t like them because they reduce sensitivity.”
After a dumbfounded delay, the entire bank of teachers at the back of the room doubled over. One teacher simply had to stumble out of the room. Some students screwed up their faces and giggled. Others knew it was funny but didn’t know why.
The room sounded like a seashell when you hold it up to your ear. My mouth stopped working. I retreated onto a cold, hard chair and dropped my gaze. Greg leaned over and added, “Smooth move Ex-lax.”
One question echoed in my brain. What’s a condom?
As for the healthcare debaters out there, if you can back up everything you’re talking about, charge ahead and debate to your heart’s delight. If you’ve locked in on a fact or two but are a little fuzzy on the rest, best just to keep the fuzziness to yourself until you get up to speed on the relative details. It will make for a better, less comical, argument.
Until next week, it’s full speed ahead,
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© 2010 Vince Poscente. All Rights Reserved. |
