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| Vol.3.102 | |
Metrosexual Redneck Adviceby Vince PoscenteAuthor of The Ant and the Elephant, Invinceable Principles and The Age of Speed
Just before I broke my foot I got the invitation to join three good friends for the opening weekend of hunting season. I had never hunted before but it sounded like an adventure.
The lesson in all this? Don’t shoot yourself in the foot.
We dubbed ourselves the Metrosexual Rednecks (MSR) and drove to south Texas. Our mission: dove hunting. That’s right, the bird of peace, cousin of the oft sang about “Turtle Dove” - which evidently come in two’s. With shotguns in the back we were intent on having a little game in our fridge. Please don’t be offended. Just be glad the Bible didn’t dub the bird of peace a chicken or turkey.
Cliff and I had never done this hunting thing before and it was pretty obvious. We found some camouflage gear so we’d blend into the wilderness. My MSR t-shirt looked something like a Caribou had sneezed on. Cliff had an Under Armour Camo – T . Sassy hunting attire indeed. Of course all of us MSRs had our Blackberry’s and iPhones.
Before we go any further. I can imagine how offended the PETA readers are. Even though we set out to go dove hunting, a more accurate statement would be we were on a “dove-startling weekend.” A dove would fly by. The gun would pop. The dove would give a skittish flap of his wings and carry on with a teenager-like smirk.
 Moreover, being in a cast meant my unipedal meanderings were limited. In other words, I was propped up in lawn chair in the back of the pick up. To make it a truly MSR experience, I had a cooler of imported water and a box of shotgun shells at my side. All I needed was some Johnny Cash remastered to a techno pop, reggae beat and I’d be the king of all MSRs from my lofty perch.As for the camouflage outfit it seemed pretty pointless. I was sitting in a shiny black MSR pick up (aka an Avalanche) sitting in a bright blue lawn chair beside a white cooler. I looked like an oversized version of the sales bin at the Dollar Store. Let’s just say the doves were safer than the unopened aqua minerale.
When we left the property to go to a restaurant (hopefully for an organic salad, a latte then indulge in a little Tiramisu for dessert) the one question I got repeatedly was, “Did you shoot yourself in the foot?”
Smile. “Sure looks that way.” Smile. “No, but I was having fun when it happened.” Smile. “Do you have any non-fried food on the menu?”
“No… sir,” which was followed by a jaded look.
Instead of continuing to shoot my own MSR foot I quickly adapted. “Then I’ll have me a Chicken Fried Steak with mashed potatoes, gravy, and fruit cocktail for dessert, please.”
The moral of the story: If it looks like you shot yourself in your foot, quickly adapt and move on.
Until next week, it’s full speed ahead,
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© 2010 Vince Poscente. All Rights Reserved. |